Imagine you had a bingo card with all of these common phrases and you must check them off each time you have been told this personally , heard it from someone you know, or read about it.
“Your baby could die”
“Against medical advice”
“Sign you off. Need to be signed off by the consultant/the midwife”
“Do you care about the baby?“
“All you need is a healthy baby. A healthy baby is all that matters “
“You can get your VBAC if… You agree to have X, to do Z”
BINGO. BINGO. BINGO
Bingo to all of this!
Arrrrgh! Such a face palm moment or is it a head against brick wall moment? Although that would probably hurt a bit.. Hah!
There’s not one person who I have worked with or spoken to that hasn’t been exposed to these awful patronising and overly medical phrases. I’m not joking about nor can you make this up. It actually happens and the only place this language is accepted as ok, the normal thing, just what we must go through ; is when we are going to have a baby. THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE.
Would you let your boss say “You are not allowed to use the toilet by yourself and don’t push your poo out til’ I say PUSH”
Would you let your lecturer claim he/she knows how best you should deal with your baby because they have got a phd and therefore takes authority over your decision making and life?
How about your mum barging in on you during sex to make sure you’re doing it right, in the prescribed way – only laying down (quietly) don’t you know- even if you quite like it standing on one leg!
You can see where I’m going here…
Where is the humanity in this?
Why do we accept this?
Why do we have to label and control everything instead of helping women to feel at their most healthy, powerful and balanced physically, spiritually and emotionally so they can face any birth or possible situation arising? You will definitely find yourself being supported through all of this from me as your Doula.
What about the form signing and tick boxes?
Meetings and various discussions where you are almost pleading to have the experience that feels right for you?
With no other support except an overwhelmed partner who has also been pushed through the same system to believe we must do as we are told. That doctors know best/ Authorities know best.
This language can quickly start to enter your psyche and get even the strongest person down – it’s powerful!
If you choose to attend such appointments, I can come with you for moral support or to prompt questions. I could also provide an opportunity for a full debrief afterwards and then help you to once again believe in yourself and dig deeper than ever to unlock your personal powers and instinct I KNOW you have, to birth in the way you feel is right for you .
You can have the nicest, passionate midwife, Of which there are many. But if they are not allowed to support you due to hospital or trust policy; then their hands are tied and you could have the (somewhat smug) rug pulled from under your feet pretty swiftly at a moments notice. You may also discover that the moment you get an iffy test result ,or you develop a medical condition or suspected of having one ,plans will also change and before you know it you’ve been pushed into an experience you didn’t sign up for.
I’m not being a negative Nancy. I’m being real with you here! It’s not fair – I KNOW
At the hospital (or any setting really), we have no idea who will be there on the day and what day they had. We don’t know if the Midwife assigned to you has had a chance to eat lunch, or if they are working in a short staffed team – all of this will affect the care they are willing or able to give . They are human after all. Perhaps just broken by the system or happy to follow routine.
This is what you call ‘Birth Roulette’
So what’s the answer to this then…?
Again, a Doula.. Hello it’s me again!
Even if you don’t have a physiological birth experience, the birth can still be a great one. That isn’t even what the sole focus should ultimately be on.
What is important :
Thankfully as your doula, I exist to uplift you, to honour you, praise you, comfort you, inform you ,hug you LOVE you..and remind you how brilliant you are! . It is me who is fully there for you with no ulterior motives, bureaucratic guidelines or rules to be bound by.
The comprehensive, compassionate and bespoke service you have engaged with me, will allow me the time and energy to be with you when you need it most.
I commit to taking care of myself, filling my own cup and rising to my own challenges, so that I can help you do the same…I’m taking my vitamins, eating and drinking well, full of excitement for you and ready to be your ‘birth bestie’ at a moments notice.
You won’t regret it
Loving you up
Lorrell Ileena 💜
Do you want to step outside of the box & shake off restrictive labels?
Do you want someone guiding you to step into your Power ? … YES? Then I could be the Doula for you and you could be my dream client – Contact me directly at firstname.lastname@example.org for prices and packaging
Lorrell is a Mother, Doula, Educator and Visionary- She is bringing a ‘refreshing change’ to the landscape of birth and what it means to be a pregnant person navigating the maternity system. Lorrell believes when we demand to be seen, heard and harness our powers in pregnancy birth and parenthood, we will create huge change for the experiences of birthing people and babies worldwide
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Contact Lorrell: email@example.com // 07724 515 337